by HALLIE GOULD
1. What happens in the bathroom when you're wearing a jumpsuit.
2. Wearing sunglasses when it's cloudy. And rainy. And snowy. And oh yeah, there was that time with the wintery mix.
3. You own shoes that are literally just for show. They hurt like hell, they're made of some weather-inappropriate fabric, but they look perfect and that's all you're willing to say on the subject.
4. The feeling of pure joy when your favorite shopping website updates with new arrivals. A schedule with which you are very familiar.
5. The extreme form of emotional turmoil that comes from having to clean out your closet. It takes days, not hours.
6. Giving away clothes is like giving away puppies. As in, you've already named each one and you treat them like your children.
7. You've stalked eBay for two years to repurchase your favorite pair of shoes that have since fallen apart. And when you found them you let out a scream reminiscent of your mother during childbirth.
8. Black Friday is your Super Bowl. Small Business Saturday is your Oscars, and Cyber Monday is your own personal Olympics.
9. You have mastered all the tricks to sneaking new shopping bags into the house. No more judgemental looks from your roommate or significant other re: damage you've done to your bank statement.
10. Massive distain for everything that has to be dry cleaned. This just means you don't get to wear it as much. Or wash it as much...
11. Your white dress only looks good with a spray tan, but your spray tan gets all over your white dress. These problems really exist.
12. Normcore. Comfortable sneakers, mom jeans… you've realized these terms are no longer insulting, but rather on trend.
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